Children Leaving

Does it ever get easier?

My baby left today.

My 20-year old, first born son...left AGAIN...this time for his 3rd year of college.

I always knew it would be difficult. I never knew it would never get easier. Sometimes I think it gets more difficult each time.

As I watch him grow into a young man I am so very proud of, a young man who is changed each time I see him, it's harder to let go than the last time. I was just getting to know this "new" young man, finding out new things about him, about the person he is becoming, each time he is home to visit - I look at him in a new way and feel like "Wait - I barely got to know you and you're leaving again!"

Many parents talk about looking forward to the "empty nest" and enjoying freedom. Not me. I dread the emptiness and quiet in the house. Oh...his brother makes enough noise with his friends, music and guitar. But when a child leaves, there is a stillness that drowns out the noise.

I once had a friend who always said she loved her children best when they were asleep. I understood her dry humor but I love my children around me - even the times they are grouchy and hormonal. Even when their friends are driving me insane. Even when they look at me like I'm the mom from hell. Even when I know they are embaressed by me (ah...maybe I enjoy the revenge of embaressing them for a change) I still love to have them around me.

My other son will be headed off to college in two years and the house will be ours to do as we please. No schedules to keep...no dentist appointments to rush off to...no school functions.

We can eat when we like and when/if I choose to cook I won't have to worry about someone complaining about having to be home to eat with the family or worse...having to eat what I slaved to cook. Our grocery bills will lower than we've ever dreamed.

We can walk around the house naked and I don't have to worry about who's around when I walk out of the shower in just a towel. I don't have to worry about "being quiet" when we have sex so that everyone can pretend that we don't do it!

We can have friends over and not worry about whether the house will be as clean as when we left. The food I prepared won't have been ravaged by a bunch of teenagers while we were gone. Things will be where I left them and I won't find things I didn't leave out lying around to trip over.

Toilets will stay clean. Laundry will be something I only have to do once a week - maybe every two weeks. I won't be woken up by yelling kids in the house or loud music.

Life will be so empty!